


Role Reversal

by Simbanrat



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:15:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23933668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simbanrat/pseuds/Simbanrat
Summary: What if Callum was out and proud and Ben was closeted.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 18
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

Callum Highway had always been slightly awkward, a little shy and lacking in confidence. For as long as he could remember he found it difficult to put himself out there. He didn’t know if his shyness came from being unpopular at school, or if he was unpopular because he was shy. His home life wasn’t great, his mum had run off to god knows where, his dad was always drunk and wasn’t the nicest of men, and his brother was a lot older so had his own life. His brother Stuart at least was around enough to get in between Callum and his father sometimes, to step in if Jonno was going to raise his hand to his youngest son. Stuart saved his little brother from a lot of beatings, Callum didn’t know what it was about him that made his dad want to beat him, it couldn’t just be the alcohol. Being afraid of his dad didn’t exactly help him with his confidence, believing that there was something wrong with him that needed punishing. 

When he signed up to the Army he finally gained some of the confidence he was missing. He missed his brother, but he was very happy to be away from Jonno, knowing that the beatings had stopped and he didn’t really have to see the man again. He had no intentions of going back home, no matter what happened. 

Something else happened when Callum joined the Army, he met someone, someone who made him feel like he knew who he was, what he wanted and what he was missing. He had never had a girlfriend as he was growing up and he went into the armed forces as a virgin. He didn’t care that much, he had never had the nerve to go up to girls to talk to them, but he had never wanted to. He had sometimes seen a cute boy he wanted to talk to, but he was definitely not going to do that, not when he knew his fathers opinion on that would be, he’d been terrified in case his dad had even suspected his was crushing on the boy down the street. He would try to beat his son for petty reasons, being gay would be a big one for him. 

But when Callum met Chris, away from the prying eyes of his father, and even his brother who he worried would have the same reaction as their dad, he finally allowed himself to accept who he was. Chris had been kind, he felt a connection to him immediately, their eyes meeting across the kitchen they were both working in. They spent all their working time together and most of their downtime too. They both had a worry that the other guys in their unit would have a problem with two men getting it on, trying to be as discreet as they could in other people’s company, but nobody actually cared. Callum had his first kiss with Chris, not just with a man but with anyone. He had more than a kiss with him, he finally lost his virginity to him in a slightly uncomfortable fumble one night after a few drinks. It didn’t take long though for Callum to warm up and for them to get into the rhythm of things, and they had amazing sex. Callum felt totally at home for the first time in his life. 

When he got injured and was discharged on medical grounds he was heartbroken. He wasn’t so sad about leaving the Army, getting caught up in an explosion was horrendous, he had nightmares about it, but he was so sad to leave Chris – they had fallen in love. Unfortunately they realised that the long distance thing wasn’t going to work. Their lives were just too different now. Callum was missing the routine he had and seeing his boyfriend all the time. To just talk on the phone or video chat now and then just wasn’t the same. Eventually they both met other people, and decided it was for the best to make a clean break. 

When Callum arrived in Walford to stay with the Carters he was a little worried, Mick was friends with his brother, and he was worried that he might have the same opinion on gay people as the men in his family. Lucky for him it turned out Mick had a gay son, and he was the most welcoming and accepting person you could wish to meet. He secretly wished he was a part of their family rather than his own. Callum still worried about his dad and brother finding out, and was especially scared at what his dad would do. He asked Mick to not tell them he was back, and definitely not that he was gay. Mick reassured him his secret was safe. 

Callum was out and proud in his new home. Arriving at a place full of strangers made it very easy for him to live his best life. He was free to be who he wanted to be and didn’t have the past there to mess things up for him. Without having to hide who he was, or having to dial down any part of his personality, Callum was like a different person. He easily made friends and settled into life in Walford like he had always been there. He got a job at the funeral parlour, which while it wasn’t something he had ever thought about as a career, he found he took to it really well. It turned out he was a people person after all, and had the perfect manner to help grieving relatives coming in to plan funerals for their loved ones. All the clients noted that he had a kind way about him and appreciated how gentle he was while talking to them. 

His work life and private lives were totally separate. While he was a late bloomer in the romance department, he tried to make up for lost time. He didn’t have any gay friends in Walford, but the friends he made were all happy to go out to gay bars with him. Whit and Ruby were his best mates, and they girls loved to go out on the pull with him, more than happy to party the night away at a gay bar where Callum was trying to meet someone. He in return accompanied them to 'normal' clubs, to see if they could find a bloke they fancied. Callum was by no means promiscuous, but he’d had a few blokes since he and Chris had split up. 

You wouldn’t think it by looking at him, tall and slightly gangly in his limbs, but he was a great dancer. He often caught the eye of men while he was dancing with the girls on the dance floor, he was really good at rolling his hips, and the movement accentuated his rather nice arse perfectly. He would often find himself with a man pressed up against him, trying to get his attention. Sometimes he went home with these men, sometimes he just wanted to have a drink and a dance and exchanged numbers to go on a date another time. A year into his new life in Walford he hadn’t had a boyfriend, but he had had a few dates with a couple of guys he met on a night out. 

Basically, Callum was very happy with how his life was going. He lived with people that cared about him, he had some amazing friends, had a job he enjoyed, he was being himself completely for the first time and he had no shame about who he was. 


	2. Chapter 2

Ben Mitchell was stuck in a sham marriage. He was 23 and had already been married for 5 years. He hadn’t wanted to be married at all, certainly not so young and definitely not to a woman. The only good thing to come out of the mess was his daughter Lexi, who he loved more than life itself. 

Ben had always known he was different. He had tried to kiss boys in the past, and it hadn’t ended well, more embarrassing or in a thump. Sometimes it was a thump from the object of the kiss, or sometimes a wallop from his father. Phil Mitchell was not going to have a gay son. He would not accept it. He barely tolerated Ben at the best of times, he was a massive disappointment to the Mitchell name, a runt from the start with his meningitis and hearing loss as a baby. As he got older Phil could tell there was something wrong with him, he wasn’t normal. Ben liked dancing, was weak and was bullied, nothing like a Mitchell man should be.

Ben and Callum had a lot in common in regards to their fathers. Both dads sensed or knew their son was gay, and both wanted to beat it out of them. The only difference was that Ben didn’t have a Stuart to protect him. Ben was all alone with his dad, his mum having died in a car crash some years ago. He had an older brother on the square, the product of his mum’s previous marriage, but he was as much afraid of Phil as Ben was, so he didn’t have much to do with his kid brother. 

Ben learnt to keep the gay part of himself silent, especially after his father had caught him with a man once, he went livid. His face went a vibrant shade of beetroot purple and he threatened to kill the other man chasing him away from the Arches. Ben had been stupid to do anything there, he knew it, but when the client had brought his car in, they had both felt something. And when the man returned the following week with something else to fix, Ben couldn’t help himself. A black eye, cut lip and broken ribs told him not to do it again. He didn’t. 

A couple of months later, Ben slept with his friend Lola. It felt like his dad was over his shoulder the whole time, and he was miserable. Trying to prove something, let his dad know that he wasn’t gay, and that he really was a Mitchell. Unfortunately They hadn’t taken precautions, and Lola fell pregnant. Ben panicked, and thought it was something else for his dad to be disappointed in him for. But Phil was happy. Ben supposed it was because Phil thought it made Ben a real man, fathering another offspring for the Mitchell clan. If he made a girl pregnant, if he slept with her, continued to sleep with her, then he was normal, he was straight. 

When Lexi was born, Ben felt love for the first time. He felt the most overwhelming feeling of belonging. He loved this little girl so completely, there was nothing he wouldn’t do to protect her or make her happy. Her happiness was more important to him than anything else, even his own. Having Lexi made him realise what he missed out on from Phil. He had never once put his son’s happiness first – quite the opposite. Everything in Phil’s life was how he wanted it, everybody had do and be what he wanted them to be. Ben vowed to never make his daughter feel the way he had been made to feel.

After Lexi arrived, Phil insisted that Ben and Lola got married. Although neither of them wanted to, it seemed like the easier option, and with the promise of a flat bought as a gift for them and a business in the Arches, they both thought it could be the best offer either of them got. Phil was happy that his son was married and had a kid, to the outside world he was a normal man. He was a mechanic, had a wife, drank pints in the pub, went to the footie at the weekends. He was a straight man. Definitely not gay. 

Ben and Lola made the best of the cards they were dealt. They were both grateful that they had a flat to call their own and money coming in with a thriving business. They were settled and had everything a young couple could possibly want. Except Ben was gay and Lola knew that. Of course she knew that, Ben had been so sad when they slept together as teenagers, obviously wanting to be anywhere but where he was. She knew he was just doing it to please his dad. She hadn’t intended to get pregnant, she was too young, but when Ben had begged her to not have an abortion because Phil thought it would be brilliant for them both, she agreed. The flat came with the wedding, and while it wasn’t ideal, there were worse places she could have ended up. 

Ben wasn’t in love with Lola, and she wasn’t in love with him. But they were best friends. They loved each other and wanted the other to be happy and to protect each other. Lola continued to be Ben’s wife to protect him from Phil. Although they had never slept together apart from that one time, Phil didn’t know that. As far as he was concerned, Ben and Lola were trying for a little brother or sister for Lexi. Lola would sometimes go on dates with other guys, and Ben occasionally tried to meet up with a man, but he always had his dad in the back of his mind, waiting in the dark ready to punch and kick the gay right back out of him. He was happy for Lola to try and meet someone though, even if it was in secret, she had started to see a nice guy called Jay.

Ben loved his daughter, but he was sad. He had never had a proper relationship, had never been in love and had never been loved in return. He didn’t think he would ever have that. He had accepted his lot with Lola, at least he was living with his best friend, the only person in the whole world who knew him. And he got to live with his little girl, the light of his life. He had just accepted that he was always going to be alone. He was never going to find a man to fall in love with, destined to spend his life single without ever finding his soul mate. 

But at least his dad was happy right. 


	3. Chapter 3

Callum enjoyed his job at the funeral parlour and he got on with his boss. Not enough to socialise outside of work, but Callum always invited him along when he was planning on going out with the girls. One Friday afternoon he asked Jay if he wanted to go out that night, he was taking the girls to try a new gay club up west. He was surprised when Jay said that he would like to go, and would it be ok if told a couple of friends to meet them there. Callum told him yeah of course, and they arranged what time they were going to meet at the tube station. 

Jay had been seeing Lola for a while, and was starting to properly fall for her. All of their meetings had been in secret, far away from the square and anyone who could possibly know them. Jay was fully aware of the situation with Ben, that theirs was a sham marriage and they were just doing it help Ben hide who he was from his dad. He liked Ben well enough, and felt sorry for him that he had to live a lie. But he felt a lot for Lola, and he could see a future with her. He thought that if he could get Ben to feel more comfortable with himself, get him to make friends with other gay men and see that he could be happy, that he would ultimately be able to come out himself, leaving Lola free to pursue her own happiness too. 

Tagging along with Callum on a night out to a gay club seemed like the perfect solution, he would invite Lola along and tell her to bring Ben too. It was far enough away from home that they didn’t run the risk of bumping into anyone they knew, and Ben could see that being out and proud wasn’t a bad thing. Jay got the tube with Callum, Whitney and Ruby and told Lola and Ben to meet them there. Good old grandad was watching Lexi for Ben. 

Callum and the gang were at the bar ordering when Lola and Ben walked in. Lola looked for Jay but couldn’t spot him, but luckily saw Callum’s head above the crowd, and dragged Ben behind her as she walked over towards the bar. As they got closer, she saw Jay and her face lit up in a huge smile. Ben noticed the change in her and how happy she was to see him, it made his heart ache for her, trapped with him when she could be with Jay instead. He wondered if he would ever find someone that would make him feel like that. 

All of a sudden the tall man that was stood next to Jay turned towards them and greeted Lola when she was next to him. Ben’s heart skipped a beat. The guy had a smile that could light up a room, brighter than than a lighthouse. Ben was drawn to his bright blue eyes, and open expression. There hadn’t been many men that he was attracted to, he tried so hard to push the feelings down as deep as he could, but there was something stirring in his heart for this man. He wanted to talk to him and know more. He was obviously friends with Lola and Jay, but after that he knew nothing. Ben watched as Callum gave Lola a hug, embracing her small frame with his wide arms, then he looked to him and extended a hand. 

“Callum”, he introduced himself. Ben looked at the hand and took a deep breath, “Ben” he replied as he reached out to shake Callum’s hand. As their hands met, Ben was sure he felt electricity and looked down at where they were joined, almost surprised there weren’t sparks shooting off of the spot. Callum was smiling at him, watching him looking at their hands with a curious expression on his face. 

“It’s a traditional greeting of saying hello”, he lent in to say, having to shout slightly due to the loud music. “Huh?” Ben replied looking back at Callum’s face confused. “Nothing” Callum laughed, “Do you want a drink?” He offered, “Beer would be great thanks” Ben said back and Callum turned to the bar to order. Lola and Jay had both been watching the meeting, they were holding hands and smiling to each other. When Jay suggested they come along he had hoped that Ben would find the whole experience comfortable. He wasn’t necessarily expecting him to meet anyone or talk to people. 

He should have known that Callum would get in there. Not that he thought Callum would want to try and pull Ben, but that he’s such a friendly and welcoming guy, that of course he would make a move towards Ben to include him in the group. He was a bit surprised to see that reaction from Ben though, the poor guy was pushing down his real self so hard he didn’t think it would bubble up so easy. He was clearly interested in Callum, if only he would let his defences down, Callum could be a great friend to him and help him to accept himself. 

Lola looked at Ben, saw the tentative way that he reached out and took Callum’s hand. She saw something in Ben’s face that she hadn’t seen in a long time, a twinkle and life in the eye that she had only seen when they were teenagers. Before they had slept together and before he had completely buried who he was. She sees something similar when he’s playing with Lexi sometimes, but he’s still never quite whole. She suddenly found herself hopeful, that maybe Ben could open himself up to the possibility that he could meet someone, that he could be himself with someone. She knew that Callum was a good guy and maybe he could help him.

As Callum was getting Ben’s drink at the bar, he could feel his face going pink, an embarrassed flush that was now reaching down his neck too. He could sense Lola and Jay watching him and realised their plan. They wanted to be together, he knew that, he was holding them both back and stopping them from being happy. He felt so disgusted with himself that he would have a part in their unhappiness of being kept apart. He wished he could just come out, be who he was meant to be, but after years of beatings from his dad, he wasn’t sure he would ever have the strength to do that. Bringing him here, seeing all these men out there, being gay, being happy, it would encourage him to come out, leaving Jay and Lola the chance to be together. He didn’t blame them for trying

He was pondering on this when Callum turned back him to hand him his drink, with a beautiful smile on his face. Ben’s heart skipped another beat.


	4. Chapter 4

Callum had spotted Ben straight away. When he came into the bar with Lola he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there. He didn’t know much about them, he’d met Lola a few times, she came to the funeral parlour a few times to see Jay. He thought those two were a couple, but he found out that Lola was married to someone else, so now he was just confused. Jay was his boss yeah, but he didn’t really know anything about him, and he wasn’t the type of person to pry into someone’s personal life. As far as he was concerned, everyone can do and be whatever the hell they want as long as they’re happy. But Lola was sweet and she was always friendly when she popped in. 

Callum assumed that the man she had walked in with was her husband, and he didn’t know how that worked because that guy was obviously gay. Callum could see himself in him, the way he used to be back before the Army and Chris. He held his head a little low, eyes aimed down and not wanting to make eye contact with anyone, arms crossed trying to tuck himself in and make himself seem smaller and less obvious, hoping that nobody noticed him. Callum noticed him.

He was more than happy to introduce himself when they came over, wanting to make the guy feel a part of the group, and not feel excluded, Callum got the impression he had felt like that his entire life already. When the guy got closer he noticed how good looking he was, even if he was trying to avoid making eye contact. He gave Lola a hug to say hello and turned to introduce himself to her ‘friend’. 

The shook hands and Callum felt a spark much like Ben had. His hand felt warm where they were touching and he noticed the inquisitive look on the others mans face. He looked shy and scared at the same time, Callum could see himself looking back at him, the him from a few years ago who was desperately hiding who he was, terrified that someone was going to find out his secret. His heart ached remembering how he felt, and feeling bad that someone else was feeling that way now. He wanted to give Ben a massive hug and tell him that it might not seem like it, but everything was going to be ok. He didn’t though, he just tried to break some tension and make joke instead, even if it wasn’t funny. 

After he got Ben a beer and turned back to him to give it to him, he noticed Ben was looking at Lola and Jay. It had been a long time since he saw someone look so defeated. He passed the beer and gave Ben a friendly smile. The other man took it and thanked him, giving a small smile in return, while ducking his head slightly. Callum swore there was a pink tint to Ben’s face, and he wondered what it was that brought it on, was it being in a gay club, meeting a stranger or meeting a gay stranger. He couldn’t help but find it cute though, and then felt bad about finding Ben’s obvious discomfort cute. He decided that he was going to try his hardest to make Ben feel as welcome and comfortable as possible. Callum might have gone out that night with the view to pull, but he’d much rather help this baby gay. 

Ben and Callum shared a few drinks together that night. Ruby, Whit, Lola and Jay were all up and partying, dancing the night away and loving the cheesy music and fun loving atmosphere. Callum instead chose to stand at a table near the door, letting Ben know that he wasn’t trapped and could leave whenever he wanted to. He wasn’t trying to pull Ben, but he couldn’t help but admit that he was attracted to him. Who wouldn’t be, he was shorter than him, but Callum thought that he was just the perfect height to snuggle with. He had lovely blue eyes, freckles and an odd confidence about him. Although Ben looked as though he was a flight risk at any moment, Callum could see under the veneer, he could see the man that could have been if he had been given the chance. 

Callum was very attracted to that man. 

They talked a lot, Callum told Ben all about his time in the army, the friends he made, the love he found and lost. Ben flinched slightly at the mention of Chris, but he didn’t go running from the club so Callum figured he could maybe bring something up he hoped would help Ben. 

“When I was younger I couldn’t accept I was gay, I was scared all the time in case anyone found out. My dad wasn’t very nice, I hate to think what would have happened if he…” He broke off as he looked at Ben, whose eyes were averted away, watching his own hands pull apart a beer mat. Callum put his hand out and put it on Ben’s, stilling his movements. “I got away from home, away from the people that made me scared to be who I was, and I found myself” Callum said softly. Ben looked at him then, sadness clouding his eyes. “How do I do that?” He asked with pure desperation. Callum didn’t quite know how answer him.

Ben had had a couple of beers and he felt his defences start to lower a little. “My dad hates me”, he announced, Callum knew that feeling, “he honestly hates me, he always has. He knew what I was, and he hated me for it. He caught me once with a guy, he beat the crap out of me, harder than he ever had before” Ben took a swallow of beer, “he’d always given me a slap now and then, but the way he looked at me as he kicked me on the floor, I just… part of me died” Callum still had his hand on Ben’s and tried to rub it reassuringly. “It’s easier to hide, to pretend, but its killing me” Ben announced sadly, “I love my daughter, and Lola is amazing, but this isn’t my life”. 

Callum felt his other hand moving towards Ben’s face, he couldn’t stop himself. He placed his hand on Ben’s cheek softly, hoping that Ben didn’t freak out. Instead, he closed his eyes and leaned his face closer to Callum’s warmth. Callum used his thumb to wipe away a small tear that had escaped Ben’s eye and fought against his own body, trying to stop himself from leaning forwards and kissing the other man. But then Ben pulled his face away slightly, turning it and placed a gentle kiss on Callum’s hand. Callum felt his breath catch, it was such an intimate and soft gesture it took him completely by surprise. He couldn’t help it, he leant forwards and pressed his lips to Ben’s, still worried he was going to spook him, but Ben gently returned the kiss and brought his hand up to cup Callum’s face. 

The kiss only lasted a few seconds before the spell was broken and Whitney came bounding over to try and get Callum up to dance. They parted and Callum was sure Ben was going to do a runner, but when he looked at him, he just looked happy. He was smiling to himself and looked back at Callum, and then he chewed on his bottom lip. Callum was watching him and felt himself flush, Ben looked down, a little embarrassed that he had made the other man go red, not intending to do it. Whitney watched the exchange and immediately removed herself from their vicinity, kicking herself for interrupting them. 

Ben was the first to speak, “Do you want to get a drink sometime?” He asked Callum nervously, Callum smiled, cupped his hand back to Ben’s cheek and replied “I’d love to”. 


	5. Chapter 5

When Whitney got back on the dance floor, she excitedly told the others what she had interrupted. Jay and Lola quickly looked towards Ben and Callum and spotted them stood close to each other, Lola swore they were making heart eyes at one another and they seemed to be holding hands.

“I cant believe it” Lola exclaimed, “Is Callum a gay Jedi or something!”, Jay chuckled and replied “It seems so, I had no idea he would do that, I just hoped Ben would see that all these men are out there being gay, and realise the world isn’t going to end if he came out. I guess I underestimated how appealing Callum was” He laughed. “What if Ben gets hurt?” Lola asked, “I want us to be together Jay, but I love him, I want him to be happy too. Will Callum hurt him? Use him? He’s so fragile, I need to protect him” Lola finished. She had been best friends with him for such a long time, remembered the beating he took from Phil when he found him at the Arches and helped support him through many a night when he was struggling with who he was. She was prepared to give up her shot at happiness to protect him. She hoped Callum wasn’t like that, he didn’t seem to be. 

Jay held Lola’s hand tight, and reassured her that he knew Callum was a good guy, he would never set out to hurt anybody, and that Ben would be in good hands. He reminded her that they planned this and hoped that Ben would be able to open himself up and begin to accept who he was given a bit of encouragement. Lola relaxed slightly, hoping Jay was right and that this was all going to work out. She squeezed Jay’s hand back and gave him a quick peck on the lips, “Yeah I know, this is a good thing”. 

At the end of the night Ben and Callum exchanged numbers, Ben and Lola left together and Callum went back with the girls and Jay. When they got home the flat was empty, Lexi was sleeping over at Phil’s, and it gave them the perfect chance to chat about the night. Lola tried to broach the subject as gently as she could. 

“Callum is nice” she tried, “You seemed to be getting on”. Ben looked away embarrassed, but a small smile crept on his face. Lola didn’t speak, decided to give Ben the time to talk, to say whatever he needed to say to get off of his chest. There was silence for a few minutes, and Lola nearly spoke again when Ben started, “It almost feels like he could have been me, if I’d gotten away from dad like Callum got away from his, made a fresh start” Ben sighed, “I see who I could be and it makes me sad. Sad that I’ve lost so much time. I love Lexi, I wouldn’t change being her dad for the world but…” Lola reached out and took Ben’s hand, “This isn’t who you were meant to be” she finishes for him. He nods. “You’re a great dad Ben, Lexi adores you, I couldn’t ask for a better daddy for her, but its time to be who you were meant to be. You’ve spent too long hiding, you have to give yourself a break, it will kill you otherwise”. “Yeah”, Ben replied quietly, “I know, but is dad killing me a better option?”. Lola reached out to Ben and gave him a massive hug, rubbing his back while he tucked his chin in the crook of her neck. They went to bed together that night, Ben just wanting someone to be close to and Lola wanting to hug Ben and make him feel safe. 

The next day, while Lola went to pick up Lexi, Ben decided to call Callum. His heart was racing as he pressed the little phone symbol next to the name, excited but scared at the same time that Callum was going to answer. 

“Hello?” Came a cheery voice on the other end of the phone, Ben felt his heart flutter, remembering Callum’s hand on his cheek and lips on his own. “Hi, It’s er Ben, from last night?” He ventured. “I remember” he was reassured, “Yeah I was wondering if you wanted to meet up for a drink?” Ben got out nervously. “Tell me where and when and I’ll see you there” came the excited reply. Ben let out a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding. 

Two days later Ben was preparing to go meet Callum when there was a knock on the door, it was his dad. “Shit” Ben thought to himself, aware of the time and that if he didn’t get out there soon he was going to be late. Phil didn’t look happy, but then, did he ever look happy. “What can I do for you dad? I was just on my way out”. “I wanted to talk to you about Lexi, and when she’s going to get a little brother or sister”, Ben’s blood ran cold. It almost felt as though Phil knew what was happening. They hadn’t had this talk in about a year, and now out of the blue he’s asking about him and Lola, as he was about to go on a date with a guy!? “Shit, shit, shit” Ben started to repeat in his head. “We’re happy how things are at the moment dad, the business is doing well, Lola is enjoying her time at the salon, if we had a baby she’d have to give it up and…” Phil put his hand up and stopped Ben in mid sentence, “Its time Lexi had a sibling Ben” he stated, walked up to Ben and putting a hand on his shoulder, Ben flinched, “Now” he demanded. Ben weakly nodded as Phil walked out of the door. 

Ben made it to meet Callum in time, he walked into the bar they had arranged to meet at and scanned the place to find him. He easily spotted Callum at a table, his face breaking into a big smile, and he stood up to greet Ben as he reached him. Callum wrapped his arms around the smaller man and pulled him in for a big hug.

“I’m so pleased you called me” he mumbled into Ben’s hair, “Yeah me too” Ben sighed into Callum’s neck. They pulled back from each other to take the other man in, both appreciating the sight in front of them. They both thought the other man was more attractive then they remembered, their matching blue eyes met and they smiled at one another.


	6. Chapter 6

Ben didn’t know how the drink was going to go. He was already slightly out of sorts thanks to the meeting he had with his dad when he was on his way out. That was the last thing he needed, his dad putting pressure on him, appearing like some ninja to swoop in and make his life more complicated. 

Callum could tell Ben was a bit distracted. When he arrived and they embraced, it felt right, but now, Ben seemed to be pulling away from him. He wasn’t engaging and the conversation wasn’t flowing, but was instead stilted and felt like they in an interview and not on a date. Callum reached his hand out and put it on top of Ben’s, “Ben, I understand if you don’t want to do this, I’m not here to make you uncomfortable or to force you to do something you don’t want to do”. Ben looked back at him confused, “of course I want to be here, I wouldn’t have called you otherwise” he replied, “I just had a run in with my dad on my way to meet you”. Callum nodded his understanding. Ben went on to explain that his dad was pushing him to have another baby, attempting to try and keep him ‘straight’, to try and stop him from straying back on the gay path. “It’s like he could sense I had met someone, that I was going to go meet a guy. I don’t know how he did that”. 

“You’re not thinking of having another baby are you” Callum asked horrified. “Of course not” Ben snapped back, then his tone softened, “I love Lola, and I love our daughter, but I felt so disgusted with myself when I slept with her. It felt completely wrong and I felt like I was at the lowest point of my life. There is no way I could do that again, especially because she’s my best friend, and I don’t want to do anything to hurt her.” Ben sighed, “I’ve already ruined her life, she’s been stuck with me for 6 years, she could have been anyone, gone anywhere, but instead I trapped her here, to help me to hide from my dad”. Callum’s heart ached for the younger man, he couldn’t believe that he’d had to put his real self on hold in order to pretend. He thanked whatever gay god there was that he was able to get away from his own dad, or else this could have been him. 

“What are you going to do?” Ben shook his head, “I don’t know, but I know I can’t continue like this. It’s not fair on any of us. Lola really likes Jay, I want her to be with someone who deserves her, I need to let her be free. I just don’t know if I can tell my dad. Maybe we could just split up, he doesn’t need to know that I…” Ben’s words trailed off, “I don’t need to tell him I’m gay” Ben swallowed hard, Callum smiled at him reassuringly and Ben smiled back, proud of himself that he was able to say that out loud. 

“Your dad doesn’t need to know anything Ben. My dad doesn’t know”, Ben looked at him surprised, “what? I thought you were out and proud”. Ben was confused, Callum seemed so confident and comfortable, if even he was hiding who he was from his dad, then what chance would Ben stand. “My dad was a drunk, and a bully, he wasn’t worth keeping in my life. He wasn’t going to accept who I was, so why waste the tears and effort of telling him. He probably knew anyway, he just decided to ignore it, much like it sounds like your dad does”. Ben nodded, “yeah, he knows what I am, he’s just so desperate for me to not be, I think he’d rather not have a son than a gay one”. 

“You can leave, make a fresh start, it’s what I did” Callum suggested, but Ben shook his head at that. “I can’t, I couldn’t ask Lola to come and uproot Lexi, it wouldn’t be fair, and I couldn’t lose her. Plus there is the flat and the business to think about. Everything is tying us to Walford…” Ben thought for a minute, “just how my dad wanted it. He’s trapped us here hasn’t he”. Callum looked at him and nodded his head, “your dad is a piece of work Ben, I thought mine was bad” . Ben started to feel as though there was really no way out of this situation.

“The way I see it you have two options” Callum announced, “one, you continue the way you have, both of you meet up with people on the sly, your dad doesn’t need to know anything. You’ve made it work the last 5 years being married, you could just keep going”, Ben looked at him and urged him to continue, “or two, you split up. Let Lola and Lexi stay at the flat and you move out. Make a clean break in front of your dad. Let him know that it’s not working, you’re not going to continue to be married anymore and that you’re going to get divorced”. Ben looked at him with wide eyes. “I didn’t say either option was good” Callum finished. Despite himself Ben laughed, thankful for Callum trying to lighten the mood and break some tension. Callum smiled at him. “I’m sorry you’re in this situation Ben, and I wish there was something I could suggest or do to help, but it’s something only you can resolve.” Ben nodded, “Yeah I know”. 

They continued to talk for the next couple of hours, both taking their turns buying a round in, neither one getting drunk, but both enjoying the other man’s company with the relaxation a couple of drinks provides. Ben was a lot funnier than Callum thought he’d be, when he first saw him walk into the club the other night, he never imagined he would be such a cocky little sod, but the younger man had some great one liners, and Callum felt himself falling for him. Despite everything he had been through, his personality was still shining through, and Callum, liked what he saw. He couldn’t wait to meet up again and find out more about the guy. 

Ben was very attracted to Callum, he didn’t know he had a type, years of repression meant he didn’t look too much at other men, but he realised that beautiful blue eyes, kindness and compassion were massive turn ons for him. Add to that that Callum was big, and Ben longed to be wrapped up in his arms, he knew he was attracted to him. There was no way he was going to lose the chance to see Callum again, and straight away suggested that they meet up again. Callum agreed immediately. Neither one of them knew how this was going to work, but they both knew they wanted to try. 


	7. Chapter 7

Ben and Callum spent the next week constantly ringing and face timing each other. They each found the other man charming, funny and sweet and there was a definite attraction between them. 

Callum had a lot of advice for Ben, about coming out, embracing your real self and the confidence to be able to say it out loud. They spoke at length about Phil and how to handle him, but they could never come up with any plans that would actually come to anything. “We could hire a hitman” Callum joked one night, “that’s not a bad idea” Ben replied, without any hint of humour or sarcasm. Callum worried for a minute then Ben thought he was serious, “Er Ben, I’m not serious” he said worriedly, “yeah I know” Ben sighed, “it was just wishful thinking… would make life so much easier though wouldn’t it”. 

Lola could see that each time Ben spoke to Callum, he seemed to be a bit more himself, he seemed to find just a little bit more confidence. He was beginning to bloom in front of her and it made her heart smile, knowing that he was finally becoming who he was meant to be. If Callum was having this amazing effect on her friend, then he was a miracle worker, Ben had been suppressing who he was for so long, Lola was beginning to worry that he would never be happy. 

In their own little world, locked away from Phil and the Mitchell name, Ben was a new man. He was flirty and even a little cocky with Callum on the phone, he didn’t even blush if Lola walked in and overheard what he was saying, it was such progress and he was proud of himself. Callum was amazing, and the next time they met up a week later, Ben couldn’t stop himself from kissing him. It didn’t matter that they were in public, it still wasn’t close to home, but he felt comfortable enough in himself to make the first move. Callum’s lips were soft, and his hands on Ben’s face were warm and enveloping. There was something completely safe and reassuring about being wrapped up in Callum’s hands, to even be in the same orbit as his personality. Ben felt completely at home with him, and it scared him slightly how much he felt for him so fast. 

Callum had fallen just as hard. Even though Ben was nervous and shy when they met for the first time, Callum could see through it, see the man that was really there, and he privileged to be the one that was helping to coax him out. Anything he could do to make Ben feel confident enough to be his true self, he would do it. He found the younger man sexy as hell, everything about him turned him on, and he lost track of how many times he’d had to sort himself out video calling each other. The way Ben chewed on his bottom lip, or coyly looked towards the camera with those beautiful eyes… Callum hadn’t wanted to try and do anything before Ben was happy to, he would happily be doing some mutual sex calls by now, but he wasn’t going to suggest it. He was completely happy to let Ben set the pace. He could tell that this could be something very special and he wasn’t willing to let anything compromise that. With Ben in front of him, kissing him, it was hard to hold himself back, he longed to shove him back up against the wall and drop to his knees. It took a lot of will power, but he was able to be sensible. 

As much as they loved chatting to each other on the phone, being with each other was something else. To be able to reach out and touch each other, a kiss, holding a hand, a thigh rub… Callum was surprised with how tactile Ben was, that first night they met, and how he kissed Callum’s hand, it should have given him some indication. Ben was always touching him, it came so naturally to him that it made Callum wonder how he had been able to suppress his real self for so long. It must have driven the other man mad having to stop all of his natural movements and reactions. But now, here in this bar, he felt comfortable enough to be running his hand lightly up and down Callum’s arm. Where Ben touched, it almost felt as though he had left fireworks dancing on Callum’s skin. Callum didn’t think the other man knew just what affect he was having on him, and how hard he was having to work to not just have him there and then. 

Ben was having a similar reaction to Callum. He hadn’t really had the opportunity to be able to be up close and personal with a guy in a long time. There had been a couple of times he’d attempted to go out and talk to a guy, but he was so self conscious and nervous that he couldn’t relax enough to talk to them properly, let alone do anything else. There had been one occasion where he had got absolutely plastered, snogged some guy in a club and gave him a blow job in the toilet, but he felt so awful afterwards and had thrown up when he got home. He knew it was the alcohol and not the act itself, but it now had an association in his mind, trying to convince himself gay actions resulted in being ill. This was the first time in a long he wanted to do something with someone. Callum was so beautiful, not just on the outside, but inside too. He had never met somebody so kind and caring, so willing to do so much to try and make someone else feel happy or comfortable. He really wanted one of his big hands wrapped around him, and he had steady his breathing if he thought too much about it, or else he would be jumping him there and then. He didn’t want that though, he wanted their first time to be special, not a quickie in a bar. 

They had been talking together for a month, and met up a few times. Both men had fallen for the other and after their fifth date Callum had asked Ben if he wanted to go back to his. Ben thought for a minute and replied “I thought you’d never ask” as he leaned forwards to plant a kiss on Callum’s lips. Callum grabbed Ben’s hand and nearly pulled his arm out of the socket he was in such a rush to get him home. As they were rushing out of the bar they nearly bumped into someone walking past “oi, watch where you’re going” came an angry voice. Ben froze, as the other man turned to look at who nearly knocked him over. Phil Mitchell was stood in front of his son who was holding another man’s hand. “Dad” Ben whispered, and his heart just about stopped. 


	8. Chapter 8

It felt as though someone had pressed a pause button on the world. Phil was staring at Ben, then at Callum, down to their joined hands, and back at Ben again. All Ben could do was look at his dad, his mouth open and his hand frozen in place within Callum’s hand. He felt as though his heart was going to explode out of his chest though, the longer his dad was looking at him, the more stressed out he was feeling. Nobody had said a word at the situation yet, they were just three men all looking at each other. Callum felt as though he should say something, it was beginning to get ridiculous and he didn’t think Ben was going to speak, just as he was about to open his mouth Phil jumped in before him. 

“What the fuck is this” he snarled, gesturing to Ben and Callum’s combined hands. Callum instinctively tried to pull his hand away, thinking it would be what Ben wanted, but Ben tightened his grip in response. Callum felt his heart bloom with pride at Ben, knowing how scared he was to come out to his dad, yet here he was, still holding his hand and not trying to hide.

“You know dad, you’ve always known”, Ben finally managed to get out. Callum could tell he was terrified, there was a break in his voice which betrayed his attempt at sounding strong, Callum is sure that Ben’s dad heard it too. They continued to stare at each other, Phil’s face was getting darker and darker, his rage was bubbling up to the surface and was sure to explode soon. It happened in an instant. All of a sudden Phil lunged at Ben, he grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him forcefully up against a wall. Callum felt Ben’s hand ripped out of his grasp and was powerless to watch him being pinned up against the wall. 

“My son ain’t no queer” Phil was shouting in Ben’s face, he was shaking him hard and Ben’s head bounced against the hard surface a few times. Callum tried to react, but he had flashbacks of his own father having his brother in a similar position, on one of the many times he stepped in to try and stop Callum from taking a beating. The memory brings back so many feelings of being weak and helpless, Stuart had been trying to help him and all Callum had wanted to do was step in and try and stop their dad from hurting his brother. But he was a little boy, skinny and lanky, he couldn’t fight back. He couldn’t fight back then, but he knew he needed to move himself now, he could help Ben now in the way he wished he could help Stuart back then. 

Phil was continuing to shout in Ben’s face, calling him all the names under the sun, everything he could think of to degrade and belittle him. This was everything Ben had been dreading, the reason he had continued to hide for so long, he remembered the beating from the Arches and his ribs hurt in anticipation of what was to come. Before the blows came, Ben braced himself and shouted “I’m gay”. If he was going to take a beating, he was damn well going to make sure Phil knew that he wasn’t going to hide anymore. He wanted him to know that he was done with the charade, if Phil was going to kick him to death, Ben wanted to die as himself. 

Phil glared at Ben, his anger was evident, but he also had a look of absolute resignation on his face. He had tried for so long to try and keep Ben in line, to suppress his queerness, and now, his blood was stood in front of him, shouting he was gay for all the world to hear. He felt defeated. Callum watched the exchange and was so proud, he was in shock at how strong Ben had been, in the face of a beating he was able to get the words out, the words that were so important for his happiness and own mental well being. He saw Phil deflate and let go of Ben’s shirt, he took a step back and looked at his son. Callum thought that Phil was going to just give up and walk away, wash his hands with Ben and that would be that. But Phil looked at Ben, still stood with his back against the wall, and in a flash raised his hand, fist clenched and smashed it into Ben’s face as he shouted “faggot”. 

Ben’s head twisted to the side and his legs buckled beneath him. Callum rushed forwards and grabbed at Phil as he went to kick at his son on the ground. He managed to get one kick in before Callum reached him, and Ben grunted as the boot connected with his stomach. Callum saw red and punched Phil as hard as he could, desperate to protect Ben. Phil was caught off guard and with the punch to his face he was off balance, Callum threw another punch and Phil fell to the ground. 

Ben raised his head and watched as Callum punched his dad to the ground, he then went and stood over him, and as he was about to pull his arm back and punch him again, Ben shouted out “stop” as he spat some blood out of his mouth. Callum froze and spun around to Ben, the red mist clearing and realising that he should be at Ben’s side and not attacking his dad. “He’s not worth it” Ben continued. Callum lowered his hand and walked away from from the older man, instead choosing to go comfort Ben, giving his attention to the man that deserved it. 

He crouched down to Ben and started trying to check out if he was ok. “I’m ok” Ben reassured him, Callum wasn’t convinced, Ben had a split lip and he could already see a purple bruise blossoming on his face. Callum reached out and touched his face, Ben flinched slightly, but smiled. “Is he ok?” Ben asked nodding towards his dad, “why do you care?” Callum responded aghast. They both looked over to him, Phil was seated on the ground, looking confused, Callum couldn’t work out if it was because he has been punched out, or that he was punched out by a gay. He then seemed to focus on Ben and Callum, and took in that Callum had his hands on Ben, he started to work himself up again and tried to stand up. Ben tried to get up at the same time, and with a hand from Callum, made it to his feet before Phil did. He stood over his father and announced “It’s over dad. Me and Lo are over, we never were. You know it, I know it. I can’t pretend anymore. I’m sorry I’m not what you wanted for a son, but this is what I am”. 

Phil just looked at Ben, then raised himself to his feet, he spat on the ground in front of where Ben was standing and walked away. As his frame retreated out of sight Ben relaxed, “That went better than I thought it was going to” he tried to joke. Callum took his hand, “You were amazing Ben, I’m so proud of you”. Ben blushed and Callum fell a little bit harder for him. 

Neither man knew how things were going to pan out for them, but now Ben had told his dad the truth, it felt like he had a future for he first time in his life. This was the start of the rest of his life, he had people who cared about him, people that accepted him. He didn’t need to keep those around him who wouldn’t accept him. He’d managed to free Lola to pursue things with Jay, Lexi would still have both parents who loved her, and now Ben had something starting with a beautiful and kind man. The last time he took a beating from his father it felt like his life was ending, this time it was beginning. 

Callum looked at Ben with such affection and admiration, he had done something even he had failed to do, tell his dad. Their relationship might be new, but Callum had a good feeling, he could see the amazing man Ben was able to finally be, and thought that he might just be the most special person he had ever met. He drew Ben’s hand up to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on it. He then smiled a beautiful bright smile and suggested they go home. 


End file.
